Hollywood Offender

Jennifer Lopez Gets Out Of The House

You know, it's really a shame that now that Jennifer Lopez is a mommy that we never see her anymore.  Oh, wait.  Yes, that's right--the new parents were out in NYC again yesterday, this time at the Christian Dior Cruise Collection 2009. 

Is New York having a cold snap?  Because I do so love J. Lo's fur-trimmed coat.  In May.  And Marc is looking particularly lifelike--he must've been tranfused recently. 

By the way, is Jennifer shooting her not reality, reality show yet?  You know, the one that's totally a reality show but she took exception to it being called a reality show so now it's suddenly a "docu-series for TLC.  Because the wording makes all the difference.

Christina Aguilera and her husband were also at the event and the new parents all posed together.  Talking about diapers and formula, no doubt.  Stars, they're just like us!

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Lindsay Looking Rough In Paris

Eeesh, it's hard to believe this girl is only 21.  I mean, I guess three rehab stints in less than a year after several years of abusing your body with sleepless nights and god only knows what pharmaceuticals are bad for a person.  Who knew?  If only Dina had warned her...

So Lindsay's in Paris where she showed up at the Fornarina party last night.  BFF/girlfriend Samantha Ronson accompanied her, and has been walking around with a big, old hickey on her neck (view video here).  You've gotta love the love bites.  Or something like that.

Lindz is probably just grateful to be out of the country.  Her mother and sister's new series, "Living Lohan," is getting ready for its premiere on Memorial Day.  The promo has been all over E!  It looks really, really bad--which means, of course, I wouldn't miss it for the world. 

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Haylie Duff, Danny Nucci and Ryan Merriman In "Backwoods"

Danny Nucci, Haylie Duff and Ryan Merriman will soon be seen in the Spike original movie, "Backwoods.".

The thriller, which is to premiere on Spike June 8 in high definition, is slated to air as part of "Spike Guy Movies," being broadcast throughout 2008.

Spike TV's original "Spike Guy Movies" average nearly 1.5 million viewers each month, the network said.

Spike describes "Backwoods" as a terrifying thriller centered on a group of young colleagues who set out for a fun company retreat in the remote woods, only to find themselves hunted by the unknown and fighting for their lives.

Nucci's screen credits include, "World Trade Center" and "Titanic," while Duff has appeared in "Material Girls" and in "Hairspray" on Broadway.  Merriman was in the acclaimed TV miniseries, "Comanche Moon," as well as the big-screen horror flick, "The Ring 2."

Smokey Robinson and Denzel Washington To Be Honored at the Apollo

Smokey Robinson and Denzel Washington will be honored at the Apollo Theater's fourth annual Hall of Fame induction ceremony in Harlem, New York.

Robinson is to be inducted into the Apollo Legends Hall of Fame at the June 2 event, while Washington and his wife Pauletta are to receive the Ruby Dee and Ossie Davis Arts and Humanitarian Award, the Apollo Theater Foundation announced Monday.

Washington recently worked with Dee in the Harlem-set film, "American Gangster."

Earth Wind & Fire, India.Arie and Nnenna Freelon are scheduled to perform at the Apollo event, while comedienne and actress Wanda Sykes will act as host.

Kid Rock: A Real Boy Scout

Kid Rock reportedly was among the readers who donated cash or equipment to a Florida Boy Scout troop that had been robbed.

The South Florida Sun-Sentinel said the recording artist read about Troop 631's story over the weekend when he had been performing in the area.

Troop leaders realized last week that a $5,600.00 owned by the troop, as well as $4,000.00 worth of camping gear had been stolen.

That said, Kid Rock cut them a check:

"I will cut them a check for the difference and hopefully will allow the boys to make their trip,"

Rock's publicist said Monday the singer wouldn't comment on his donation, however, he did say Rock was happy to help out.

Christian Slater Comes To NBC

Chrisian Slater fans rejoice!

A new television series starring Slater is scheduled to debut this fall on NBC. 

The show, "My Own Worst Enemy," casts Slater as a suburban dad living a double life as an operative who speaks 13 languages, runs a four-minute mile - oh - and is trained to kill with his teeth.

I don't know about you, but I'd watch Christian Slater do just about anything.

Daily Offenders

Jessica & Tony Call It Quits - Gabsmash

Oprah's Big Give Gets Canned - Glitterati

Affleck Blames Career Woes on J.Lo - Cele|bitchy

Is Ashlee a Cheater? Evil Beet

Smoking and Pregnant Is No Way To Go Through Life - Hollywood Backwash

Nick Who? - TMZ

Celebrity Muppets - CityRag

Curvy Comic Book Chicks - Agent Bedhead

Nicole Kidman Gestates In Nashville

Nicole Kidman continued to gestate in Nashville this weekend.  Clearly off the Botox, as I spy a lovely little frown line in between her eyes.  Not a big deal, Nicole--you really just need to accept them.  They're not a lot of fun, but a wrinkle or two?  Much preferable to a waxy, expressionless face.

So Nicole spent Mother's Day without her two older children.  Again.  But, according to Tom Cruise, she can see them "whenever."  As long as whenever coincides with February 31st and rivers running red with blood.  Oh, to really know what was going on there...

I'm not even going to bother address the size of Nic's belly.  She looks fine to me and I'm so over the stupid surrogate talk.  All I can say is thank God I'm not a pregnant, public figure, as they can't win.  They're either too big or too small.  When it comes to fetuses, the Goldilocks theory seems to apply.  Rarely is anyone "just right."

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Related:

Nicole Kidman's Belly Grows, Stumps Doubters

Is Beyonce Pregnant?

Page Six is reporting that Beyonce Knowles might be pregnant.  Their big proof?  Per one of their infamous unnamed sources, she's porking up and not doing anything to de-pork.

"She has gained a lot of pregnancy weight.  When she gains weight, she normally does the Def Jam detox, but not now."

The above photo was taken last week.  I don't know--I don't see any big weight gain, pregnancy or otherwise.  I see some really stupid black gloves, but no baby bump.  Though I am loving her rep's response to the question:

"I don't know if she's pregnant. Let me perform an ultrasound and get back to you."

Snerk!  And, besides, as the paper points out, neither she or Jay-Z has even copped to the fact that they're married.  They probably wouldn't admit she was knocked up until she's seven centimeters dilated.

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Related:

Beyonce And Jay-Z Continue To Play Coy

Beyonce Lets Her Finger Do The Talking

Katie Holmes To Grace The Great White Way

I purposely picked a photo of the Katie-Bot with Tommy Cruise just on the edge of the picture because, even when it's about Katie?  Tom is always lurking in the periphery.  Broadway producers better be aware of this if OK! magazine is correct.  Because that rumor that Katie was going to attempt (emphasis on attempt) to conquer Broadway?  Apparently it's true.

Per the tabloid, Katie has just signed on to star in a revival of Arthur Miller's "All My Sons" come this fall.  Producer Eric Falkenstein thinks the Stepford Wife would be just perfect for the role of Ann Deever.  Huh.  It's been awhile since I read the play: was she an automaton? 

"Katie is very well suited for the role of Ann.There is an additional layer of soul to Ann and from the work I've seen of Katie, she has always impressed with multi-faceted characters. She would nail it."

Ah, yes.  Her work in "Batman Begins" where she varied from dull to mindnumbingly insipid really put that range on display. 

Oh, and Falkenstein isn't worried that Katie's "star power" will overshadow her acting ability.  Dude, a twenty-watt lightbulb has more power than her acting ability.

"Despite being in the spotlight and her celebrity status, the fact remains that she has a tremendous record of performances.  I think Katie is a tremendous actor. Whenever she decides to come to the stage she'll be terrific."

An announcement is expected within the next ten days.  Let's see if OK! actually gets one right for a change.

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Related:

Katie Holmes: It Only Hurts When She Smiles

Katie Holmes Wants Reese's Career

Nobody Likes Katie Holmes

Ashlee Simpson And Pete Wentz: Wedding This Weekend

US Weekly is reporting that Ashlee Simpson will marry Pete Wentz this Saturday at a "top secret" location.  Oh, criminy.  The President's kid got married with less fanfare; maybe Papa Joe's youngest needs to call in the Secret Service to accomplish the same feat.

Per a source, guests have gotten a save the date notice and a rehearsal dinner will be "an intimate affair" for close friends and family on Friday.  Come Saturday, the guests "will be transported in shuttles to the wedding location."

This is so exciting, isn't it?  Yeah, I know--not really.  All the tabs are still claiming Ashlee's pregnant, despite her playing coy and Pete saying she's not.  I wonder if Papa Joe is negotiating the photo exclusive rights yet.  Dumb question, I know.  I'm sure that was taken care of weeks ago.

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Related:

Ashlee Simpson: Still Playing Games

Pete Wentz Denies Ashlee's Pregnant

Ashlee Simpson Is Pregnant

Ashlee Simpson Gets Engaged

Jimmy Fallon To Replace Conan O'Brien

As has been speculated for weeks, NBC officially announced that Jimmy Fallon will take over as host of "Late Night" next year when Conan O'Brien sashays over to "The Tonight Show."

Per NBC entertainment head honcho, Ben Silverman:

"He is a handpicked talent, part of the NBC family already."

No definitive date has been set for when Fallon will take over, but the show will continue to tape in NYC.  Jimmy, naturally, is thrilled:

"It's a comedian's dream to get his job, to work with writers and try to be funny every night."

He joked, though, that it's a tough gig, and that his wife is already preparing for the worst.

"She left me a note this morning saying, 'Nice knowing you.' "

No other particulars were addressed in regard to Fallon's contract, but, let's face it: he'll be making more than you or me.  Well, at least me.

Related:

Late Nights With Jimmy Fallon

Sarah Jessica Parker's SATC Premiere Attire

Oh, god, yes, we get it: you're Carrie Bradshaw.  Third-world orphans who have never so much as watched television - nevermind HBO - get it.  Does that mean one has to wear a garden on their melon?  I don't think so.  But, hey, that's just me and I'd be afraid a bird would dive-bomb me and I'd end up being graced with a Darwin Award.  It also reminds me of something the crazy lady at the end of the block who still talks about when FDR was president and you could get a high ball for 75 cents would wear. 

Or Sally Kirkland.

So, here's Sarah Jessica at the London premiere of "Sex and the City." We're down to 17 days until the U.S. premiere and I'm back to ambivalence about it.  First, I hated the idea.  Then, I warmed to it which progressed to really wanting to see it.  Now I'm back to meh.  Meh isn't good.  Meh gets you nowhere.  I actually want to get back to at least tepid.  This may be achievable if I don't have to see any commercials for the movie and hear SJP say "Hello, Lov-AH!"  It's the "hello, Lov-AH" that drives me nuts.  Maybe if I focus on the other characters I can soldier through.  Possibly.

Speaking of, the other ladies look lovely.  But they don't have the ghost of Carrie Bradshaw to answer to.

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Related:

Sex And The City: It's Almost Time

Some Movies Should Not Be Made

"Sex And The City:" Enough Already

Tom Cruise's Perfect Date Disaster

This story, from the National Enquirer,  just made my day.  Not only that, it gave me a new appreciation for David Beckham.  Because anyone who goads Tommy Cruise?  Cannot be all bad.

So, picture this: Little Tommy desperately wants to spend time with his man-crush, David.  And what better way than to suggest a little sweaty, grueling physical activity.  After all, it allows for the possibility that Becks might just take off his shirt and flash those yummy pecs.  A gal can hope. 

So the friends go for a run up a twisting canyon in L.A.  They start out slow, but then David sprints ahead, leaving Tommy to huff and puff to catch back up.  Just when he does?  Becks starts running backwards and taunting Maverick.

Tom tried to yell back, but was so out of breath he had to stop to try and suck some air back into his 'can't-handle-the-truth-that-he's-not-twenty-five-anymore' lungs.  Then--and this is the best part--Becks yells:

"Oh, come on, don't quit.  I promise I'll let you keep up."

Tom must've known when he was beat at his own game and just shook his head and walked back to his car.  No doubt wondering where his plans for the perfect date had gone terribly, terribly wrong.  No after work-out rubdowns, no mutual stretching, nada.  Oh, the humanity!

Related:

Tom Cruise Wants Becks To Come Out And Play

Gwen Stefani: How Much Longer?

Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale took Kingston to the zoo this past weekend.  Giving The King a little more one-on-one time until he's officially the big brother.  There's something about that kid that amuses me so.  Maybe it's that combo petulant/mischevous look he always has on his face.  For my money, the cutest celebutot from the class of 2006.  Suri may be a super-being and Shiloh may be the pretty, pretty princess, but this kid has the makings of a superstar. 

As to Gwen, baby #2 looks like he or she is percolating along nicely.  They haven't said when she's due--much like her friend, Angelina--but if I had to guess I'd say end of June/being of July.  I hope this one's a girl.  I wanna see an infant rocking Gwen's trademark red lips.

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Related:

Gwen Stefani Joins Pregnant Contingent

Daily Offenders

I'm sorry these are so late today, but it's been the typical crazyness that's the start of the week.  Better late than never, here's our link love for Monday:

Brooke Mueller Is Ready To Be Mrs. Sheen #3 - Agent Bedhead

Matthew McConaughey and His Baby Mama - DListed

Ashton Says Cameron is Superwoman - Gabsmash

Get Mary-Kate's Look - Candy

Scientology Boot Camp Handbook - Gallery of the Absurd

Jamie Lee Curtis - Celebrity Smack!

Lindsay's 'Tard Line - Celebrity Dirty Laundry

Just Another Photo Op for Heidi and Spencer - TMZ