It seems like not a week goes by without a new story about Maverick and his future ex-wife paying some exorbitant amount of money for some insanely huge house. Let’s see, in the history of their “relationship,” they’ve been:

- Moving to the UK (whoever started this rumor must hate the Brits, as not even I, who has no conscience, would wish that on anyone)

- Buying an apartment in The Dakota in NYC (MY personal favorite, seeing as that is where the original “Rosemary’s Baby” was filmed, and really, this remake they have going pales in comparison as it doesn’t have Ruth Gordon or tannis root.)

- Buying a property in the Hollywood Hills that had three separate houses on it to fit all the various (with varying degrees of creepy) relatives Tommy is intent on keeping around (because all 44-year-old men live with their mommy and sister–perfectly normal, just ask Norman Bates)

- Getting a house in Toledo, so the beard Katie could visit her all-but-forgotten family (why are they so quiet? One of them must be ready to crack by now. C’mon, random Holmes sibling–give up the deets)

It’s enough to make a person dizzy. But the latest rumor is that the Creepy Cruises (though, again, I ask…have we actually seen a marriage certificate? That Italian production? Not legal and totally for show. I’m just sayin’!), who are being evicted from their Beverly Hills rental (god, Tom, BUY you cheap bastard; if you’re not legally married there’s no need to fret over community property), have purchased a new place, still in BH, for somewhere in the neighborhood of $30 million dollars. Which I’m guessing the less feminine member of the couple (though barely) put up the bucks for, as I doubt Katie’s “Dawson’s Creek” residuals add up to that much.

On another note, here’s the happy couple (why does Katie always look like smiling takes such an effort? And, yes, that is a rhetorical question) at last night’s 9/11 Detox Center Fundraiser. I see Katie is trying to singlehandedly bring back the 80′s, what with her leggings and giant gold belt. She’s one sequined beret away from looking like an extra from “Boogie Nights.” In spite of that, I’m sure it was a great event (*cough..scam…cough*), with Niacin martinis and vegetable oil smoothies for all those willing to fork over $6,000.00 for a ticket.