Katie Holmes, who was quoted just the other day talking about her “lovely” trip to Target, apparently had to call the cops to get there. Wanna know why? Because two–that’s right, two–photographers “spooked” her as she was on her way to the discount store.

This from the woman who routinely strolls around soccer fields as dozens upon dozens of paparazzi snap hundreds upon hundreds of pictures of her smiling wanly and cluthing her amazing husband’s hand.

Two words, Katie: Spare me.

But, wait, it gets better. See, Queen Katie is just so special that she didn’t pick up the phone and call herself–no, she had her handlers (that’s right, plural) do it for her. And by handlers I’m sure that means Scientology escorts. Because Katie must keep with the program and not allow outside forces to sully her newly, thetan-free being when Maverick isn’t around to run interference, right?

A witness to the monumental shopping trip–which took place with police escorts–said of Holmes:

“She was quiet but she did sign autographs.”

Katie quiet–now there’s a newsflash!