Correct me if I’m wrong, but when you go to rehab aren’t you supposed to come out with more self-awareness of your problems–you know, the things that actually GOT you into rehab? Because, yeah, I’m gonna say that’s got to be one of the 12 steps.

I guess Lindsay Lohan was absent the day they taught that, though (maybe there was a club opening or something), cause she doesn’t seem to think she’s an addict. In a new–and really creepy–interview with Allure magazine, Lindz says that not only didn’t she want to go to rehab, but the whole thing? Totally overblown:

“It’s so weird that I went to rehab. I always said I would die before I went to rehab. I don’t think that I’m necessarily an addict.”

She’s so like those guys in prison who are all like “I’m innocent; I was framed, man!”

Her story about how she exactly ended up in the Wonderland facility is also laugh worthy. First off, she points the finger at the friend who drove her there by saying they “had more problems than I did.” Nice. Then she says she checked out the place and found:

“a quiet room, all white, with parquet, and it was different! I just felt safe. I thought, ‘I’m going to stay here tonight.’ And I stayed there. For a month. It was great.”

Oh my god…she thought she was at a hotel, didn’t she? Checking out the decor to make sure it was feng shu-ey enough for her, feeling all nice and cozy? Girl is a Fruit Loop. Capital F, Capital L.

And the best part is she says what motivates her is “to keep everyone around me happy.” Trust me, Red, as long as those seven-figure paydays keep coming, Mommy Dina is going to be thrilled.