It appears that Kate Cruise isn’t happy with just continuing to trail along after her husband and play “mom” to baby Suri. No, now the actress (such that she is) wants to amp up her film career by starring in a musical. Last Tuesday, reports Page Six, the future ex-Mrs. Cruise gave a singing and dancing audition for a role in the movie version of the Broadway show “Nine,” to be directed by Rob Marshall.

Oh, jesus. Does Maverick have something on Rob Marshall that he would even agree to see The Vapid One? I mean, singing and dancing? The fembot has the grace of Sasquatch, with her loping walk and slumped posture, and the voice of Betty Boop on helium. Don’t take my word for it: listen for yourselves. But don’t blame me if you suffer hearing damage. Although I must kudos to Josh Jackson and Busy Phillips for pretending to think her singing is stellar. Now that’s what I call good acting!