You know what addicts who haven’t hit rock bottom yet do? They deny there’s a problem. It’s as predictable as a Scientologist berating psychiatry. So, here’s what Lindsay had to say, via an e-mail to “Access Hollywood” in regard to her DUI arrest Tuesday morning:

“Yes. I am innocent… did not do drugs they’re not mine. I was almost hit by my assistant Tarin’s mom. I appreciate everyone giving me my privacy.”

Quelle surprise! The drugs were someone else’s–she just happened to have them in her pants pocket. The car chase wasn’t her fault. She was probably the victim of a faulty breathalyzer, too. Mmm hmmm–and O.J. is still searching the world for the “real killers.”