Remember that book about Maverick that Andrew Morton was supposedly writing? Remember all the whispers that this book might just have the reason behind his 2005 pre-emptive “I’m in love with this amazing woman which makes me totally heterosexual!” campaign? Well, guess what? The book is FINALLY going to be seeing the light of day on January 15th. You can even pre-order it on Amazon! Oh, happy day…right?

Hmmm…perhaps. I’ve heard some rumors about the upcoming book and what will, and won’t, be in it–most of which likely isn’t all that surprising.

For instance, no one in either the Cruise or Holmes family would speak to Morton. Same goes for Katie’s old “Dawson’s Creek” co-stars (you know, the ones she totally cut off when she signed on the dotted line). Additionally, he got nowhere trying to talk to anyone in Nicole Kidman‘s family and Penelope Cruz wouldn’t say a word–though supposedly some family members of hers spoke to him.

As to the *stage whisper*…gay rumor? Morton didn’t find any substantiated evidence of such, but, please, this is a shock? Anyone who has tried to speak up in the past has been slapped with a giant lawsuit by Maverick, so short of the equivalent of Monica Lewinsky‘s stained blue dress, there will never be “proof.” Doesn’t make it any less true in my eyes. Allegedly.

Now, as to what WILL be in the book. Morton describes Tommy as uneducated, homophobic, manipulative, bullying and controlling. He’s paranoid and fearful of those better educated than he (i.en anyone with a pulse). He isn’t popular with other high tier Scientologists, however they will not speak against him in public because the Church encourages solidarity amongst membership.

Morton further describes Cruise as a solitary person who does not reveal his inner most thoughts to even his closest family members. He has few close friends, mostly younger, who have turned to him in an emotional moment and see him as a guide (because he helps people, man, he just helps people). He loses friends after a while when they begin to question his attempts to control them. Cruise does not befriend intelligent, well educated, well read people. He is very calculating over who he befriends.

I know…SHOCKING! Still, I’m half afraid, half breathlessly anticipating what kind of crazy Cruise will let out of the box in his next effort to portray himself as normal. Now that Suri is old enough to take over the p.r. reigns, I except lots and lots more photo ops with her as a central figure–not to mention the continual attempt to portray his robotic future ex-wife as an independent person. Maverick will go to the mat on this one (which is actually how he likes it; hell, he’s probably got a specially made wrestling singlet for just this occasion) and won’t go down without a fight. It should be fun to watch.

Going to pre-order that book now…