Jennifer Garner tries. I can tell she tries. But I think she’s just sold that “Soccer Mom” persona a bit too well so now? When I see her trying to glam it up? It just looks wrong.

Here she is at the Glamour Magazine “Women of the Year” Awards wearing what looks like a recycled upholstery–if you were a gypsy. It’s got jewels and sheerness and prints of different kinds. It’s like a material store threw up on her. And the hair. Can she take five minutes to brush her hair? Really, that’s all I ask. It’s not that difficult; I know, I do it every day.