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Is Tom Cruise Just Misunderstood?

So, I’m sitting here enjoying a lovely snack of graham crackers and Diet Canada Dry ginger ale (don’t know it til you’ve tried it–I’m telling you, it’s delicious!) and I started thinking: am I too hard on Tom Cruise? I mean, I’ve heard some stories that portray him as a nice enough person. Um there was that story about how he sent him private jet to fly an endangered bird to get some sort of medical help. And, er, remember those stories about how he saved people from fire, flood and famine. Or something like that. I mean, sure, a cynical person might say these tales were nothing more than fabrications sent to the likes of People and OK! magazines by his team of p.r. people in order to continue to perpetuate the “Tom Terrific” persona. But are we all really that jaded? Couldn’t he really be just a nice, albeit slightly intense guy? And the answer I’ve come up with–after, literally, minutes of contemplation is…

No. Nada. The null set. Sorry, he’s bonkers. A few sandwiches short of a picnic. A fruitcake without the gross jelly things in it. You get the picture. And, c’mon, everyone knows this. And everyone can’t be wrong, right? Right! That’s what I’m talking about. So every time you see a photo of Crazy Tom and his Stepford Wife or him donkey braying with buddy Will Smith, feel justified in snickering and writing a “Saturday Night Live” skit in your head. It’s perfectly natural. But don’t diss on Suri. She wants out more than anyone. Know why we haven’t seen her in months? She’s currently digging her way out of her nursery, one sippy cupful of dirt at a time. Xenu speed, Suri.

So, anyway, enough of this Tomfoolery. There’s a new film, Superhero Movie, coming out in a couple of weeks. It is to superhero movies what “Scary Movie” is to horror flicks. And, in what has become a grand tradition, there’s a Tommy Cruise spoof in it–specifically in regard to the leaked Scientology videos from last month. I’ll give Tom this: he’s not going quietly into that good night. He’s going kicking and screaming–like any self-respecting crazy person should do. Good job, Tom!

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Tagged as: Is Tom Cruise Just Misunderstood, Suri, Tom, Tom Cruise, Tom Terrific, Tommy Cruise, Will Smith

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