Pamela Anderson donned her red, white, and blue bikini and has become a U.S. citizen. Now we’re never getting rid of her, are we? Not only that, but we should all get ready for her to storm Washington, D.C.:

“Being a citizen excites me not just because I can vote, but because I can crack the whip on Capitol Hill to defend animals.”

I think she means that literally. I could see her wielding her whip while wearing a skintight leather catsuit as she lobbied Congress to stop animal testing on mascara. I mean, she must know she’s a parody of herself by now, right? There has to be that self-awareness, doesn’t there? Because, though I know she’s a big PETA supporter and that’s a great cause, the woman is a trainwreck.

And, oh god, I just realized. All you Congressmen? Don’t get ensnared in her boobalicious web. She likes to get married…but don’t expect anything out of it other than a few stories in the tabloids and a bill for alimony when she files for divorce 2 months later.