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Tag archive for ‘Mrs. Cruise’

Katie Holmes: Sloppy Seconds Yet Again

No, this isn’t a candid shot of Katie Holmes getting her weekly allowance from her lord and master husband, Tommy Cruise–it’s a publicity still from her last movie, “Mad Money.” You know, the stinker that got awful reviews for the future ex-Mrs. Cruise and also stank up the box office? Don’t worry, if you missed [...]

Katie Holmes Emerges From The Mothership

I realize the future ex-Mrs. Cruise’s life is so busy with pouting her way through the world’s most expensive stores, but is it too much to ask that she would actually buy clothes that fit? I know it’s asking a lot, but when you’re such an important person and all, that stuff counts. Here’s the [...]

Katie Holmes: Not Pregnant Yet Again

God, I am so tired of this zombie-so very, very tired. Every week it’s some ridiculous story–most of them, no doubt, planted by her people in order to keep the public thinking she actually matters. This week it’s the supposed shitstorm the future ex-Mrs. Cruise caused by wearing the above dress. Allegedly it had “bloggers [...]

Katie Holmes: Jackie O? More Like Jackie No!

Katie Holmes, without her usual five foot tall appendage at her side, was walking the streets of Manhattan earlier today. But, fear not, her lord and master, Maverick, is lurking around somewhere, as there’s a screening of his new movie “Lions for Lambs” tonight. She must’ve yelled “Hey, isn’t that Siegfried and Roy?” and slipped [...]

Katie Holmes: Running on Empty

OK! magazine is “exclusively” reporting that everyone’s favorite Stepford Wife is training for the NYC Marathon. That’s right–while Maverick has been busy filming “The Movie I Will Never See” in Berlin, his future ex-wife has been seen running around the city as part of her race preparation. Of course, she could just be trotting around [...]

Katie Holmes Is Such A Happy Person

It’s nice to know some things never change: I’ll never have hair that doesn’t require a flat iron, taxes will always have to be paid, and Katie Holmes will always sport her trademark clueless/stunned/miserable look. I mean, what does this woman have to be so glum about? Besides the whole “oh, sweet Xenu, was the [...]

Tom Cruise Extortionist Pleads Out

Don’t try to screw with Tom Cruise, people–you just won’t win. That’s what an extortionist found out as he pled guilty to charges of trying to milk Maverick out of $1 million for stolen wedding photos. David Hans Schmidt “gives up the right to indictment by a grand jury and agrees to plead guilty to [...]

Katie and Suri: Back To Maste

Suri Cruise, accompanied by her Zom-mommy, Katie Holmes, depart Paris yesterday after a day of museum tours and shopping. If you’re wondering why they’re wearing different outfits than earlier in the day, well, there’s two explanations: 1. Professional photo-shoots always have at least one wardrobe change and, make no mistake about it, this little Paris [...]

Suri Cruise: No Rest For The Weary

It must be so difficult to be the child of famewhores. Things like naps cannot interfere with the more important task at hand, that being the almighty, important photo op. Because when the bevy of nannies Mommy takes the time to coordinate matching, prison stripe outfits (oh, the irony), sleep takes a backseat to where [...]

Suri Cruise’s Lousy Summer

Wow, Suri really looks like she’s having a blast on her vacation to St. Tropez, doesn’t she? Poor kid is in hysterics and Mommy and Daddy don’t seem too concerned. The future ex-Mrs. Cruise seems to be thinking “not my problem” as Maverick appears to be looking off into the distance in search of hot [...]

Suri Cruise Tries To Flee From Famewhore Momma

You know what’s worse than an unabashed famewhore? It’s a famewhore who tries to pretend she isn’t one. Enter Katie Holmes, aka the future ex-Mrs. Cruise. Apparently, on Thursday, The Desperate One tried to get into the opening party for Fashion Week in Berlin (where the Creepy Cruises are living while Maverick prepares to shoot [...]

Katie Holmes: Aged to Imperfection

It’s so hard to remember that Katie Holmes is only 28 years old. Especially when she insists on dressing like a 50 year old. Here she is, yesterday, on her way to a business meeting. I imagine the meeting consisted of her management team telling her she’s in the running to play Jessica Alba‘s mother [...]

Katie Holmes: Fashion Disaster

Does this woman/girl/beard/robot/whatever look in a mirror before she leaves the house? Can she not afford a stylist? THIS monstrosity, which doesn’t fit her and accentuates her desperate need for a bra, is what she wore for the latest series of photo ops. With flats. Flats with a tiny steel heel. Yes, steel. She wears [...]

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