Tag archive for ‘Mrs. Cruise’
Even Suri Thinks Tomkat Are Strange
By Suri’s “f&*k if I know” expression and “whatta ya gonna do?” hand wave I think she’s discovered, at the tender age of two fourteen months, what we all know: there’s something seriously off with “Mommy” and “Daddy.” So here they are–AGAIN–enjoying their lovely photo op vacation in France. The future ex-Mrs. Cruise is modeling [...]
Is Katie Knocked Up Again?
Christ Almighty, as if the first 14-month pregnancy didn’t almost kill me there are reports coming out of British tabs that the future ex-Mrs. Cruise is gestating another miracle child, sired by her manly, heterosexual husband. The couple is, naturally, said to be thrilled (and amazed, I’m sure) over the impending blessed event. Isn’t it [...]
Update: Katie Not Pregnant, Just Bloated
The future ex-Mrs. Cruise and her Suri-unit (still looking like “Lady, I’m not sure who you are, but I do not do my own stunts, so kindly put me down.”) took to the beach in France earlier today and dispelled the terrible rumor that she was pregnant with incredible, amazing bio baby 2.0. Either that [...]
The Creepy Cruises Clad in White
The Creepy Cruise Clan landed in France today for the anticipated wedding of fellow Scieno James Packer. Nice to see they remembered to take Suri out of cold storage and bring her along for the occasion. I always say it’s never too soon to start the kid on the “religious” training. Don’t you just LOVE [...]
Katie Holmes: Scientology Spice or Just Plain Butch?
The future ex-Mrs. Cruise is back in L.A. and proving, yet again, that she doesn’t have a single original thought in her head with this new haircut. Opinions may vary, but she’s either trying to channel her good buddy Victoria Beckham or Maverick–as he rocks the Beatles-esque haircut, too. I’m not loving it. Lord knows [...]
Katie Holmes: Undisputed Cupcake Queen
You know, I was a little worried last Friday when no stories surfaced of the future ex-Mrs. Cruise. I mean, with all the sadness in the world, aren’t we entitled to hearing how awesome Katie is? Yes, I think so, too! And, thank god, People came through, in their usual breathless manner. This time, for [...]
Katie Holmes Wants More Kids; End of Days Near
Katie Holmes has given an interview with the carefully scripted totally spontaneous claim that she “definitely” wants more kids–so get ready for another 15-month pregnancy, my friends. And while you’re at it nod your heads and smile mindlessly as if this wasn’t carefully laid out in paragraph 2, subsection b of her contract. Allegedly. Of [...]
Suri Cruise Has Impeccable Manners
Not to mention her very own publicist, obviously–all at the tender age of two thirteen months. The latest story about the wonderful lives of The Wonder Child and her mother–and future ex-Mrs. Cruise–Katie Holmes, comes courtesy of, shockingly enough, People magazine (no! really?) and involves an adventure about shopping, boys and girls. What, no cupcakes? [...]
A Porn Star Tribute to Katie Holmes?
An 18-year-old wannabe porn star has changed her name to Katee Holmes–as a tribute to the future ex-Mrs. Cruise–and plans on losing her virginity on camera in her first movie. Wait a sec, wait a sec, wait a sec! That’s just insane! Someone actually wants to pay tribute to The Vapid Void? Good god…why? Per [...]
Katie Holmes is The Best Person in The World
Seriously, she just makes the world so much brighter by her mere presence in it. And, now, the cast and crew of her new bomb film “Mad Money” are reaping the benefits of her magnificence. How? Why the future ex-Mrs. Cruise is just showering them with treats on a weekly basis for three weeks running [...]
Katie Holmes Admits She’s Married to a Munchkin
An oldie but a…well, lets just leave it at an oldie–a blast from the past, if you will–of Katie Holmes before she became the future ex-Mrs. Cruise. Note “Kate’s” reaction when Dave talks about how short people go into show biz to make up for their physical short-comings. Note especially her giggle and “that’s true” [...]
Jada Pinkett Smith: Katie is a Tiger
Well, I see by a quick glance at my watch it’s half past a Tomkat friend defending them to the press via People magazine o’clock. Time sure flies when you’re in damage control, doesn’t it? Because, don’t forget, mere days ago it was Jenna Elfman who drew the short Scientology straw and hit speed-dial to [...]
Jenna Elfman Defends Tomkat
Well, I guess a has-been actress has to keep her name in print somehow. But Jenna Elfman, defender of all things Scientological, is standing up and telling the world “Lay off my good friends, Tom and Katie! They’re happy and in love!” Whatever, Dharma. “They have a great life and they love each other. For [...]
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